Delinquency of thought

  • Get News Alerts

“Why are you single?”

“You are economically self-sustaining but you need to marry to be socially sustaining and happy”

This misguided compliment, often doled out to single unmarried women whether she is a celebrity or a normal citizen, has raised a question: If a woman is single without a life partner but doing great, can’t she still lead a happy and fulfilling life?

Many people will say no, thinking just about her romantic relationships but discounting her other many loving, platonic relationships. In our society, where a woman is discriminated and looked down upon, how can one be sensitive toward the feelings of unmarried women?  The worst tragedy is that a single woman is always vulnerable to prejudicial evaluations by married people of both sexes.

A  never-married economically strong woman in urban area  is considered as not attached, lonely spinster, cat lady  who loves autonomy, is carefree,  uncontrolled and  doesn’t like  to be told what to do, and when and how to do things. Likewise, a rural single woman is considered as unattractive, imperfect, having poor and irresponsible parents (not able to give enough dowry), and one who didn’t get the right match due to wrong astrological chart and so forth. But at both the settings, a single woman is considered immature with no social responsibility at all, easy person to get loan from and an object of sexual prey.  A single woman is always the odd one out, the one without the man, the one to be felt sorry for having the worst fate.

Expressing anger, depression and sadness is a part of life, but when it is articulated by single woman, it means “need to get laid” reaction from so-called responsible experts.

Even the government policies are not single-woman friendly. Single women are blasted for no contribution to fertility, but the government laws deny her reproductive rights.  Likewise, men have inheritance rights but a single woman should reach the age of 35 and assure her parents she will never marry. In addition, a single woman doesn’t have liberty to choose her dependent in her insurance claim as there is a mindset that she don’t have any dependent.

We are in a society where we know how to celebrate marriage but don’t know how to respect people who want to stay single and are doing just fine.  Mandy Hale in her book, The single Woman: Life, Love and a Dash of Sass has written “Single is no longer a lack of options-but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day happily and let your Ever After work itself out”.  

So, the time has come to break the negative stereotypes of single life and feel proud of one of them and fight over discrimination against them.  We must bring down the cultural and legal wall separating couples and singles, and efforts need to be made to reduce implications like self-doubt and insecurity. Some of us have begun this cultural work, but we need much more participation.

Comments

Opinion

  • Challenges for reconstruction Challenges for reconstruction

    One of the major challenges faced in the reconstruction process of Nepal is the absence of elected local government. Lack of government in local level was reflected in the major pre-disaster and post-disaster events, where it took months to reach the affected region and still no widely-accepted data is available. In the absence of an elected local government, top-down approach of governance has its own accountability deficit.

    Apil KC/Keshab Sharma

  • Making sense of Adityanath's rise in Modi's India Making sense of Adityanath's rise in Modi's India

    The most notorious incitement of communal hatred by Adityanath was his exhortation to 'kill ten woh log ['them' meaning Muslims]' rather than knocking the doors of legal system 'if one Hindu is killed' in riots.

    Jiwan Kshetry

Blog

  • Mero Kathmandu Mero Kathmandu

    Kathmandu means so much to me, and it looks like for people who promise to be the agent of change for the better, their own names mean a lot. A lot more than Kathmandu it seems.

    Sumana Shrestha

  • Identity and nationhood Identity and nationhood

    Whoever says nationhood is not important would be lying. For example, belonging to a particular nation may give certain advantages to a person that one belonging to another nation would not get.

    Ketan Dulal

Readers Column

  • Traffic Police in Kathmandu

    As busy and hassling as the traffic system in Kathmandu is, the Traffic Police here have to handle an equally strenuous job. Over 1,400 traffic officers in and around the Kathmandu Valley battle against the pestering traffic and air pollution each day.

  • Menstrual taboo outdated

    I have seen my sisters and friends isolated and treated in discriminatory manner during their first menstruation cycle. They were not allowed to look at the sun, to touch water source, flower, fruits, any male family member, nor even hear their voice. The activist may claim the situation has changed and I do agree but still during every month my loved ones turns into untouchables beings.

Popular

Recommended

Suchanapati