Sex life after rape
Though sex is a physical activity, the feel greatly depends on your mind. If it is with consent, it is lovemaking. If not, it is rape.
Can a rape victim ever enjoy sex in their life after the incident? Rape of a child when she doesn’t even understand what happened to her, for me, might be less mentally devastating compared to that of the matured girls who know the difference between lovemaking and being raped. The child (if not injured internally) will grow up and there is a high chance she gets over the incident when she becomes a matured woman. There is consequently a lesser chance of her being haunted by the incident.
But for an already matured woman who clearly understands the difference between good touch and bad touch, and being raped and loved, rape can be very devastating because she will never forget the incident. Even if someone tried to make love to her, she might get haunted by that forced incident. The good touch might remind her of that bad touch.
Though I am not a rape victim myself, coming from a middle-class family’s daughter I have had innumerable encounters with bad touches while travelling in public transportation. I have experienced a lot of harassment, but those harassments were by strangers whom I didn't meet again in my life. I hardly remember their face. Thus, it is not so big a deal for me as I have nurtured my body according to the society.
Everyone knows we are harassed in local buses and public places but does anyone really care? We just stay silent and forget it. But what if someone you know, someone whom you are close to, someone who knows your secrets, someone who is like a guardian to you harasses you?
News reports about rape are common these days. The most disheartening ones are rapes by the father, uncles, teachers, brothers, friends and likes. All your life you feel safe being with them and all of a sudden, they turn a monster. You think you are touched good and suddenly you realize it is bad. You have felt safe being with them in a room but suddenly you realize you were on the street being ogled by those wolf-eyed men.
I was harassed recently by someone whom I considered a guardian, called him brother and always felt safe being with him. I was drunk that day, and tense and unconscious. He first hugged me. I thought it was a friendly hug but slowly he started crossing his limits. I shouted and stopped him. He wasn’t drunk. He tried to use me. He abused me. He knew everything about me including my struggles with my health.
My husband also trusted him a lot and took him as a guardian. After that incident, every time my husband touches me, I get haunted. I wasn’t raped but I was touched bad. I was betrayed, my husband was betrayed.
Being a well-educated woman, an activist and a feminist, I have always emphasized that the society must be accommodative to a rape victim. But now I ask myself does the rape victim ever get over it? Will she ever be able to enjoy lovemaking?
Strangers are forgotten. What they did to us doesn't matter much. Frankly speaking, I have gone through these disgusting touches in public every now and then. Sometimes I speak out, sometimes I just let that go. But this time I am betrayed. Safe environment became dangerous. I was disheartened and disgusted. I started hating men. I don’t know how I would recover that lost confidence on men. Would I ever be able to enjoy the good touch again?
I am sure a lot of other girls have gone through these kinds of incidents. I remember, one friend of mine sharing her bad experience at her office owned by her uncle, how she had left her job. How he one day came to her and tried to kiss her. And how she started distrusting men.
Another friend of mine escaped a situation where her best friend locked the room when just two of them were inside.
Rape and harassment are more than just a physical wound, and is mental disturbance rather. It is loss of confidence. It is the feeling of betrayal. It is the change of your perception. It is such a helpless condition where one can’t differentiate between the good and bad touch.
Strangers can be forgotten or forgiven but betrayal by someone you have trusted is inexcusable.
The Doklam dilemma
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Gaurab Shumsher Thapa
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My Journey to Maiti Nepal
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Menstrual taboo outdated
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